I think my resolve has dwindled. I haven't wanted to post anything about anything I have been doing because I have been feeling awful about myself. Although I don't know why I should. I did end up getting a job. An actual, full time job. Since my layoff in 2011, I haven't had a full time steady job. There was way something. But now I do and I really enjoy it.


Bu I am still sad. And it's not all the time either. Sometimes I am really happy about what I am accomplishing in my life. I did host a Zumbathon like I wanted. I am even doing/going to another one in April. It's for a fellow Z-ER who helped me with mine. It's for March of dimes. If you want any info, let me know.

But here are days when I just feel like crying my eyes out. And I really don't know why. I keep feeling like I should just give up. Like I am failing. And I am not trying to be a pity party, or look for attention. I mean I have been struggling with even talking about it. But this is my journey and I can't really deny it.

So I am trying. I still have my goals that I want to achieve this year.

I have added a new Zumba class to my repertoire. It's on Thursdays at 5:45. It's a small class right now. But I am hoping to grow more over the year. I did find out what was wrong with my hip. It wasn't the sciatic nerve that I thought it was. Of course I am not a doctor, so I thought I would ask my BIL who is a massage therapist if he could help. He told me it was a trigger point cause by either too much exercise or stress. I am thinking it's stress. Though I don't know if it is too much exercise. I mean I am trying to exercise every day, but it's not like I am exercising for more than like an hour at a time. How is that over exercise? Anyway, he is going to help me get over this pain so that I can resume my level of activity that I want. And you know what is really weird? Today it hasn't hurt at all. Or hardly at all. And yesterday I did the Brookside parade with my fellow Clanna people. And I didn't just walk in the parade (3,269 steps), but I also danced. Pretty exuberantly too! The. I came home an took an Epsom bath to help my muscles recover. Hip hurt a bit of course, but today, nothing. I seriously don't understand my body I think. It likes to be crabby and a big pain.

I am hoping that I can try and get back on track with my goals. In only a week I will be turning 31. I was really hoping to be at a certain place in my life by this time. But it looks like there are other and that I am obviously not aware of and will just keep going on with my goals and trying for my better attitude about life.

Night

H