The Comeback

Well I am back at it. For the past week I have started back on my getting my goals accomplished this year. And let me tell you, it is hard when you feel like the one goal in your life that you “truly” want won’t happen.

This was miscarriage #4. And I am so tired of it. If you don’t want to hear about this part, I suggest you scroll to the next paragraph. I know that there are many that have gone through more MC than me. And some who actually get to see/feel/hear the baby and then it’s gone. And I am heartbroken for those people. I know that I am already prone to becoming seriously depressed and ready to throw up my hands in defeat. And I can’t imagine what their emotions are.  I know in my own heart and life that I would like to “fix” whatever is wrong with me. I know that doesn’t sound right, but that is how I feel. So we (J and I) will be going through a series of tests once we are “ready” to start into this adventure again. But until then, I am starting back on my original resolve to improve myself and to get closer to my husband.

Starting back on my health goals has been a little bit of a struggle. When I am pregnant, I tend to throw planning out the window and just eat whatever I am craving at the moment. Calories and fat be damned! But now that I am not, I have decided to try and start really planning what I eat every day and keeping track of my hunger tendencies and what I put in my mouth. I had this resolve after the MC. But it didn’t really stick until I broke our refrigerator. Okay, I didn’t really. But the door did break off the hinges completely when I opened it. And it was un-fixable. So, that meant we needed to get a new fridge. And it was nice because the old fridge was one that came with the house and put in the lease agreement. This time we could get the fridge we wanted. So we got a side by side with an ice/water maker on the door. It’s really roomy and pretty. We started putting our food back in after it was set up, and we were able to get rid of things that were bad or gross. Then we (actually J) went to the store and got a whole bunch of things to help us start planning our meals. Normally, for the past 6ish years that we have been together, we get the frozen meals and pop them in the microwave. And that ends up being our dinner. And of course for our lunches we would do the same thing. Not really the best thing for us. So this time I made the list so that we had plenty of things to make, and not a whole lot of frozen meals. We have been doing this for the past week and I must say I really like it. I like having fresh fruit in the fridge to just take out and munch on. I like knowing what the plan is in the evening so that I am not tempted to just go to the drive through on my way home.

I have also realized that I stopped drinking sodas. I didn’t really tell myself I was going to stop all together. But I have ended up picking different drinks with my meals. And of course I love soda, but I really haven’t had a serious craving for it. Of course I still have caffeine. You will never be able to get me to stop that. I might strangle someone if I don’t have caffeine.

My MIL and SIL are doing WW Points Plus and suggested I try it. I know that I use MyFitnessPal to count my calories during the day. But I thought being on here would help me a little better. It has some great recipes on there. I have been doing the online/phone app so far. I am not really a “go to meetings” kind of girl. But if I start struggling, I may start doing that for support.

J and I are also starting our running again since it is technically getting warmer. I am kind of like my friend DB. She stated in her blog that she was “willing” it to be spring weather (in a manner of speaking). And I would like that too. I am tired of this brisk, cold, wintery air to stop and for some warmth to come in. So J and I will be starting running again tonight. We have decided that because of our schedules, it is a bit harder for us to always run together. So we will run together when we can and alone when we can’t. That way we can keep up or rhythm without getting behind.

Okay…off to lunch!

 

H